Wait, what's a writer doing on Tumblr?!

Reblog if you’ve been told you have nice boobs.

(Source: born-to-be-wildd, via twoheaded-girl)

• Joel: I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
• Clementine: So go.
• Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
• Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
• Joel: I wish I had stayed to. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
• Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
• Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
• Clementine: Why?
• Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
• Clementine: You were scared?
• Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
• Clementine: Was it something I said?
• Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
• Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
• Joel: It's okay.
• Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
• Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
• Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
• Clementine: Bye Joel.
• Joel: I love you...
• Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...

To the one and only girl I ever loved:

We had many memories together. And although not all of them were fond, there is one that was so simple and seemingly unimportant, yet there is so much significance behind it now. I remember that you told me that one of your favorite movies was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and I remember never being all that interested in seeing it. I just thought that it would be another lame attempt by Jim Carrey to portray a serious character. So, I let this brief conversation rush downstream towards my subconscious where it floated in the murky depths of my mind…

It wasn’t until almost 2 years after our chaotic break-up that I decided to watch the movie. In fact, I’m not really sure what prompted this sudden interest in seeing it. But after seeing the movie in it’s entirety, the credits rolling to the sound of Beck’s “Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime”, I saw our entire relationship flash before me. The random, goofy moments that we made our own and embraced with our laughter. Our first kiss, and how hypnotically alluring it was. Even all the fights and pointless arguments that became more and more commonplace as time went on were there on display once more. And at that moment I also asked myself “If you could erase every memory of her and never have to relive the painful reality of the circumstances, would you?”

And to be honest, I still don’t have a clear answer…

Because every positive memory would never come close to counteracting the creeping dread of how things ended. But to lose every memory of you would be one of the most tragic things that could happen to me. Which always brings me back to the aforementioned question. But in the end, I suppose there is no consistent answer. How I feel about the memories we shared changes constantly, alternating between self-loathing and sublime happiness as they play in my head.

And then I start to wonder if our paths will ever cross again. Would I be able to talk to you? Or would my fear and trepidation freeze me in my tracks? Even if we did talk, what could I say to the first girl who I ever truly loved with every ounce of my heart…..and who took it all away in one fell swoop? And I think after all this time, I finally know what I will say:

“When I’m alone, I start to remember all the good times we had together, the times I wouldn’t have traded for the world. I wonder what happened to us. Then reality hits me, and I remember it was you who traded me for everyone else.”

Because there is no better way to convey how I feel every time I remember you. And as I sit here writing this at almost 4 in the morning, I am amazed that I still haven’t fully gotten over you. Not in the longing sense, but rather in an almost nostalgic type of desire….a desire to have those memories again, and to live them for eternity.

Funny thing is, I seriously doubt that you will ever actually read this since the emotional distance between us is so great that nothing could ever bridge that cold emptiness. But in the event that I am wrong, I just felt that you should know that a day hasn’t gone by that I didn’t think about you and remember what we once had.

And I can only hope that you are in the same boat as I.